Burning Up A Sun
by Justthisfangirl
Summary: So much of the Doctor and Rose's story was left untold, that day at Bad Wolf Bay.
1. Chapter 1

_**Last night I had a dream. I heard a voice and it was calling my name. I told mum and dad and Mickey. Anyone else would think I was mad. But not those three. They believed it. Because they've met the Doctor. So they listened to the dream. And that night, we packed up... Got into dad's old Jeep and off we went. Just like the dream said. Followed the voice... across the water... kept on driving hundreds and hundreds of miles. Because he's calling. Here I am at last. And this is the story of how I died.**_

* * *

Whenever the Doctor called, I made sure I was always there. Even in the dead of the night. The number of times I woke, in my room in the TARDIS, hearing muffled noises from his room. I would slip on my dressing gown, and pad silently towards his room. I would slip quietly inside, and see him sitting on his bed, still fully dressed.

"Doctor?" I would say softly. His head would snap up and he'd see me there. And I'd see him. Eyes shining, his normal charming grin gone, replaced by a sombre expression. I would walk closer, and perch on the edge of the bed, and look closer at his face. From this distance, I could see his eyes were ringed with red, with some unidentifiable expression, and he looked tired, oh, so tired. He would watch me silently, his eyes never leaving my face.

"Doctor, it's okay." I would say, reaching out my arms. He would always sniff, and look away, leaving me sitting there, arms outstretched.

"How can it ever be okay, Rose?" He would mutter. "How can it ever be ok?" I look at him, and realise what the look in his eyes is. Self-loathing. And every time it broke my heart. I would shuffle along the bed closer to him, and wrap my arms around him, burying my head in his chest. "They're all dead, Rose. Everyone I ever knew, everyone I ever loved." He would say, resting his chin on my head.

"Not everyone, Doctor, I'm still here. I'll be here forever." I would whisper, my words muffled.

"I know, Rose." He would whisper back. Eventually, he would push me off him gently, and I would walk silently out of the room, closing the door behind me. Every night I would go back to my room, shut the door and go to sleep. Every night except one.

One night, I left as usual, opened the door to my room, but shut it again without entering. I crept silently along the corridor, and carefully, quietly sat on the floor outside his room. I sat, and I waited, ears pricked for any sound. I waited, and I waited, and then I heard it. The quiet muttering in a language I couldn't understand. A language as old as time itself. Gallifreyan. The muttering went on for hours, steadily growing in pitch, the occasional words becoming lost in sobs, until eventually the sound was more wails than sound. The sound tore through, and I pushed open the door. Still sitting in the middle of his bed, still fully clothed, but with his head in his hands, crying, with the occasional word slipping out, sometimes Gallifreyan, sometimes English. As I watched, the crying suddenly stopped, and he started rocking back and fore, silently, shoulders shaking, head resting between his knees, his arms wrapped around his knees like a child. The sight was unbearable, and I rushed towards him, clambering onto the bed. His head snapped up, his eyes hard, immediately defensive.

I faltered, "D-Doctor?"

He stared at me, with cold eyes, colder than I've ever seen. "Rose, go back to your room."

"No!" I cried, "Tell me what's going on!" He looked away from me, a pained look crossing his features, and shut his eyes. Reaching out a hand, I touched his face gently. He sprung back as if he'd been stung. "Doctor! Tell me!" He sighed, and looked at me, staring at me, his expression guarded. "I'll understand, whatever it is, Doctor." I said softly.

"Oh really, Rose? You understand what its like to have everyone die? Your whole planet. Every last thing. Every last person. Because of you. It was all my fault, all of it. Because I was a coward." He spat out these last words bitterly, his voice thick with emotion. He looked away again, resting his head back on his knees.

"Doctor, it wasn't cowardice. It was the bravest thing."

"How was running away 'bravery'? How was leaving everyone to die brave, Rose? How?" His hands flew up as he talked, and he started running his hands through his hair repeatedly, furiously, his whole body shaking.

"Doctor, stop!" I shouted, grabbing his hands, and he struggled to pull away. The shaking subsided, and he began to cry. Not mournful wails like before, just quiet pitiful tears. I let go of his hands to wrap my arms around him, and he cried into me. "It was brave because you saved millions, billions, because of that day. If you had stayed, everything would have died, you saved everything." I whispered softly. I stayed for hours, until he fell asleep, exhausted. I stood up, and watched him. I'd never seen him sleep before, he was always so full of energy. Eventually, I left and went back to my own room, falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

The next day, the Doctor was his normal exuberant self, talking at a thousand miles per hour, babbling so fast I could barely keep up. But I could see behind the cheeky smile, behind the childlike enthusiasm, behind the cheery front. I could see the pain, the utter human pain, in that Timelord's eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

_I will warn you, this chapter isn't exactly plot heavy. It's more 'let's see how many times we can make them kiss in one chapter.', so if that's not your thing, I'll forgive you for giving it a miss._

* * *

**_"There's five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey... and the baby."_**  
_**"You're not...?"**_  
_**"No."**_

* * *

It only happened once. They never spoke about it again, it was just something that happened and they accepted it, quietly. But it was all Rose could ever think about.

The Doctor had just saved the day again, and was already thinking about the next adventure, jumping around the TARDIS console excitedly. Rose hovered at the edge, silent, content to just watch him.

"Rose, where shall we go? Ooh, Marilyn Monroe, I've always wanted to meet Marilyn Monroe!"  
Rose laughed, and he grinned, before turning away and fiddling with some buttons. Rose fell quiet again, leaning on the barrier, watching him bound around like Tigger on a sugar rush.

"Rose?" The Doctor said softly, suddenly standing in front of her, his brown eyes full of concern. Rose jumped, startled, looking up to meet his gaze. "What's wrong?"

Rose smiled, whispering, "Nothing's wrong, Doctor, nothing at all." He smiled back, slowly. Rose held his gaze, and slowly leaned in. The Doctor seemed to realise how close he was standing, and stepped back awkwardly. Rose's smile dropped, and he turned away, back to the console. Rose paused, then followed him silently, until she was standing next to him, just inches away.

"There was one thing, Doctor." She whispered.

"Oh?" He said, not turning around, hands gripping the edge of the console.  
Rose frowned at them, and slowly peeled his hands off the console.

"Look at me, Doctor."  
He turned to look at her, his expression blank. Before he could step away, Rose leaned in, still holding his hands, and her lips brushed his. Bewildered, he tried to step away, but Rose kept hold of him.

"What're you doing, Rose?" He whispered, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Something I should have done a long time ago." she whispered back, leaning back in, kissing him again. This time he didn't step away, but leaned into it. Rose released his hands, just to see what the Doctor would do. He placed his hands on her waist, never breaking the kiss. Rose smiled into it, bringing her arms up to rest around his neck.

"Rose." He whispered, his voice hoarse, pulling away. He lifted up a hand and brushed her hair out of her brown eyes, staring at her, searching her eyes desperately. Rose smiled, and pulled him close to her again. He grinned, that charming, beautiful smile she loved. She hugged him tightly, clinging to him as hard as he was clinging to her. She pulled away, and he looked crestfallen, until she leaned in and captured his lips in another kiss. He smiled into it, and she kissed him back, harder. The kissing became more forceful, hands gripping the other's clothes. As they kissed, Rose pushed him backwards, down the steps and to her room. He never once took his eyes off her face, walking blindly, following wherever she led him.

Then they were in her room, and the Doctor stopped. He stared at her, bringing a shaking hand up to her face.

"We can't do this, Rose." He said, searching her face for something, anything, that would stop him doing what he wanted to do, oh, so much.

"Yes, we can.' She said, kissing him again.

"Rose." He growled, but this time it wasn't an order to stop. It was an invitation to keep going. She pushed him down onto her bed, and slid on top of him. The Doctor stared up at her with wide eyes, pupils blown, a look of amazement on his face. Rose placed a single kiss on his lips, which he returned eagerly, capturing her mouth in his. And then the clothes were gone and then they were kissing and then touching and then it was perfect and brilliant and amazing, and then, and then... and then in it was all over. Rose smiled, and the Doctor grinned back. She laughed, and curled into him, resting her head on his chest. He sighed happily, resting his head on the pillow. Rose was quiet, listening to the noise of both his heartbeats. Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, she wrapped her arms around him and clung on, tightly, as tears, happy tears, began to flow, At the sound of her crying, the Doctor looked up, horrified. He stared at her, at the tears rolling down her cheeks, and he got up and fled, out of the door, leaving Rose alone on the bed. The happiness went, and Rose found herself crying bitter tears of sadness.

Outside, the Doctor found himself walking to his room blindly, guiltstricken for making Rose cry, for ruining everything, for losing control, for being so damn _human_ and obeying his emotions. He entered his room, and found himself assuming the position he found himself in most nights, head on his knees, arms tight around himself like a little child.

* * *

The next morning, Rose woke early, and wandered into the surprisingly empty console room. Rose crept up to the console, trailing her fingers across it gently.

"Hey." The voice startled her, and she spun around. The Doctor was hovering at the edge, watching her silently.

"Hi." Rose breathed, her stomach clenching and twisting at the sight of him. The Doctor smiled weakly back, a faraway look in his eyes.

"Look, Doctor, about last n-" The Doctor held up a hand to silence her, walking past her to the console.

"Don't, Rose, just don't." He was silent then too, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. Rose sidled closer to him, and carefully, slowly, wrapped an arm around his waist. He jumped at her touch, then wrapped an arm around her too, gingerly. Rose smiled, and the pair stood there, not staying a word, content to just be together.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth. You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead.**_

* * *

Everyone lost someone, that day. Any street you went down, anybody you asked, they at least knew someone who knew someone who died. Not a single person on the whole planet was not affected. But some were hit worse than others.

Rachel Johnsen was one of them. She lived on the Powell Estate, just a few doors down from the Tylers. Her whole family, and every last one of her friends died in the Invasion, and she had been sent to identity their bodies. As she left the morgue, face streaked with tears, she stopped, and looked at the packed notice board. Two large sheets of paper covered it, with two large headings:

**Missing**

** Dead **

Rachel scanned the lists, praying that she wouldn't see another familiar name, the pain of losing someone else would be unbearable, but would not knowing be worse? The torture of not knowing if a loved one is alive or dead, whether they're out there, somewhere, and just haven't been found yet. Rachel sighed, and turned to leave, almost walking straight into the man standing behind her.

"Sorry." She mumbled, and stepped around him. Rachel walked away, until something made her stop. She turned around, and studied the man closely. Something about that long coat, and that sticky-up brown hair seemed familiar.

"Hang on, don't I know you?"

He looked away from the notice board, and looked at her. "I don't think so." He said quietly.

"I do! I do know you!" Rachel cried, striding towards him.

"No, I'm not from around here. I'm from a long... long way away." He sighed, looking back at the noticeboard. Rachel stared at him. Something about that face. Something small, meaningless, but, oh, so important.

"The Tylers!" Rachel yelled suddenly.

The man spun around, eyes wide. "What?"

"The Tylers." Rachel repeated. "I lived a few doors down. You went into their flat a few times. I saw you." He nodded slowly.

Rachel continued. "And there was a girl. Jackie's daughter. Blonde. Pretty."

"Rose." He whispered, looking down at his feet, hands in his pockets.

Rachel's hands flew to her mouth. "Oh no, not her too! I heard she was travelling, I thought she was away when all this happened."

The man shrugged, sadly, pitifully. "She was."

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." She said quietly. Somehow the words weren't enough and she found herself hugging the man. He hugged her back, and suddenly they were crying and holding onto each other for dear life. Crying for everything they had lost and everyone that would never come back. Eventually Rachel pulled away, and the man leaned against the wall, sliding down it until he sat, slumped on the floor.

"I am sorry." Rachel whispered.

The man looked up, wearily rubbing his red eyes. "I'm sorry too."'Rachel nodded and turned to walk away.

"Um, I didn't catch your name?" The man called.

Rachel turned around and smiled weakly. "Rachel. Rachel Johnsen. You?"

"John Smith." The man said, before looking away again.

Rachel indicated the noticeboard sadly. "There's an awful lot of John Smith's on those lists. Consider yourself lucky that you're not one of them. See you around, John Smith."


	4. Chapter 4

_**"I suppose, if it's one last chance to say it...Rose Tyler, I-" **_

* * *

_900 years, and I've never felt like this. One human out of millions, out of billions, who I would give it all up for. Saving the world wasn't worth it. Not if I couldn't save you. I love you. I always have. You promised you would stay with me forever, and it's my fault you couldn't. You couldn't stay with me in the TARDIS. And what happened that day, at Bad Wolf Bay, proved it. Every day that you stayed with me, I put you in more and more danger. I never thought it would end like this, that day we met. That day in the shop where you took my hand and ran. You trusted me, even then, a strange man in a leather jacket, telling tales of far-flung worlds and adventures beyond your wildest dreams, beyond even my dreams. I should have told you before. But I wasn't... I wasn't brave enough. Fighting Daleks, Cybermen, that stuff was easy with you, I didn't need to be brave, we did it together. You were the reason I could do all those things, have all those adventures. But you were the one adventure I could never have. You, Rose Tyler, you. The one person I needed. The one person that changed everything. Who made me realise that humans aren't all stupid apes, that in humanity there is brilliance. You were brilliant, Rose. And I lost you. I lost you. I dragged you into a war, a war that's been going on as long as time itself, the war of me versus them. Of Timelord versus Dalek. And you were just one of the hundreds of thousands of casualties of my war. I've never met a human who wasn't important. But I'll never meet one who was more important than you. Rose Tyler, defender of Earth. You made me who I am today, and you never knew how much you meant to me, just because I wasn't brave enough to tell you. I was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I allowed myself to believe that we could travel the stars together, forever, and I stopped being so careful. So busy saving everything, showing you everything, to stop and realise what was happening around me. Too busy falling in love to realise that things were going wrong. But things did go wrong. And I lost you. I lost you, and lost a part of me too. The best part. What's the point of carrying on, if my hearts are broken? You're more important to me than the whole universe, Rose Tyler, and I can't miss another chance to tell you._

* * *

Rose looks up from her cup of coffee and smiles.

"You don't have to miss anymore chances, Doctor. You're here now, and I'm not letting you go anytime soon. And frankly, if you didn't love me now, I'd be a tad concerned." she says, grinning, a cheeky glint in her eye. I smile back at her, and sip at my coffee.  
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

Placing my coffee carefully on the table, I reply quietly, "I was still too afraid that you'd vanish again. I was scared, petrified, that if I did something, anything wrong, you'd slip through my fingers again." Rose smiles softly, and opens her mouth to reply, but all that comes out is a yelp, and she clasps her stomach. Immediately I'm on my feet, around the kitchen table and grabbing her hand.  
"What is it? What's wrong?"

Rose laughs, "Nothing, I'm fine. He kicked, that's all."

I grin at her, "We're assuming it's a 'he' now?"

She smiles back. "I don't mind what he/she is." I lean in and hug her, holding her close, feeling her protruding stomach pressing against my abdomen. Suddenly, something hits the back of my leg.

"Hey! Hey! Watch it!" I say, letting go of Rose, and turning around. I smile at the small girl at my feet, her mop of blond hair sticking up in all directions. She looks up at me, grinning widely, showing off the gap in the front of her teeth.  
"Rho, go play, me and Mum are talking." I say gently.

"But Daddy!" She whines.

"Rho." I say more sternly, but still smiling. She pretends to pout, but then smiles and skips away.  
"And play nicely with your brother!" I call after her. I turn back, and see Rose watching me fondly.  
"What?" I smile.

"I love you." She said simply, taking my hand.

"I love you too." I hold her hand tight, refusing to let go.

* * *

**A/N :th-th-th-that's all folks! Hope you enjoyed ^_^ please review and favourite etc if you like it, reviews make me want to write more ;) yes, I gave the Doctor and Rose a nice little family, because if anyone deserves a happy ending, that pair does. And also, since that was mostly one massive monolgue of angst, i felt it was mecessary ^.^ Rho, and Rachel Johnsen (from the last chapter) are entirely mine (woah, that sounds weird.) and DISCLAMER (wow, doesn't that look important all in capitals): I don't own Doctor Who, the Doctor or Rose (but, boy, if I did.)**


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